i’m usually a pretty confident person when it comes to matters of academia. i fall on the side of book smart and tend to be above average when i really apply myself. throughout grad school, however? ya girl was floundering. my confident was knocked and i was mad shook every time i turned in the simplest of assignments. i always though my ideas too pedantic, not imaginative. and i struggled. mightily.
but i fucking made it.
i turned in my final on sunday nov 5 and i let go and let god. it was out of my hands at that point. que sera and all that jazz. but until i got my actual grade? y’all. i was cliiiiinched. i checked the online portal in which my class was delivered obsessively. i think wednesday was when i hit my peak and checked over twenty times throughout the day. because i wanted to know THE MINUTE it was posted.
thursday found me at the h.e.r. show with no time to obsessively refresh the portal during the evening and it was refreshing. breh. it had been so long since i’d gone out and just been at a thing for enjoyment. i basically became a hermit for the last six to eight months, alternately hyperfocused on my studies and hypercritical of myself.
i got home after the show and thought breezily, “lemme gon head and check this shit that i know hasn’t been updated…” only to log in and see the notification icon lit up like chrimmuh mornting. two new notifications let me know that it had been graded and it was officially logged.
i took a few seconds before i clicked on the grade update. i had all kinds of crazy shit running through my mind about having to retake the capstone and add additional debt to the mound of already looming debt that was going to greet me in six months. i had to do a quick deep breathing exercise to recenter myself then clicked and saw a perfect fucking score.
y’all know i cried right?
then hopped all over social media to brag.
because i fucking did it. and with the exception of one more discussion board response my grad school career is over. and i fucking made it.
a bish is a master in these streets!
and i wouldn’t have made it without the support of all of my family & friends, but in no particular order but alphabetical– Ajua, Ashley, Christina, Jillian, Sarah, Shakeia, Trina all killed this friendship shit and let me complain and be ridiculous in their imessage, GroupMe, phone, etc. And Tahmeka was on GOAT status my whole journey. This one helped me not lose my mind so many times I can’t even keep count.
now lemme google this damn graduation ceremony information, i’ve got a trip to plan!