Superficial…

The above clip is one of my favorite Cosby show episodes. About 8 minutes in, I die laughing. Especially when it comes to Maxine Reid’s part…DIG DEEPER! DIG DEEPER!

In all seriousness though, I feel like that should be a mantra for the friendships that I am maintaining right now. Dig deeper. I feel like nearly every relationship I hold with someone is superficial. We talk about so-called deep issues, but always gloss over them with jokes or witty banter. I can honestly say that I have so many things that I would like to share with my friends to get feedback or just to get off my chest, but I hold back.

It’s amazing how much I close up the closer that I get to a person. It’s a running joke between my friend Ally and I about how when we were strangers I told her nearly everything about my life. Now? She says it’s like pulling teeth. It’s not that I don’t want to share stuff, it’s that well…

I don’t want to be Debbie Downer. I don’t want to be the [REDACTED] of someone else’s life. I don’t want people to feel like they have to avoid me because all I talk about is my unhappiness. Truth is, I am in a place where I am grateful for most things in my life, but am hella frustrated and upset with the major things [relationships or lack thereof, family, money etc.]. Every once in a while, I’ll let loose and go on a tear about these things, but most often I keep it to myself. Which is not good for my sanity, lemmetellyou!

I often wonder how to broach this conversation with my friends without coming off offensive. I don’t need to know every detail (nor do they need to know every one of mine), but I could sure use someone to talk to during my “on the bridge, ready to leap moments”. I think that’s my main reason that I started blogging. Most people were unaware of my blog when I first started back in 2004. I used to share a LOT more back then. Somewhere along the line though, I decided to be on my Leo steez and share my links with people who knew me in real life. With that openness came stiflement. I want to make a promise to myself to not hold ish back on this site anymore. Hell, I’m paying for the webspace [oh yeah…did I mention my new domain? ;)] so I should be able to say what I want without fear of reproach or judgement, right?


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