I always think I spell that word in the title wrong. I promise you I sat here looking at it for about 5 minutes and haven’t bothered to go to Dictionary.com to make sure I spelled it right, lol. Anyway this ain’t that, as my aunt says, so I’m moving along. For the past two days, I’ve been listening to Anita Baker songs all day at work. Besides Janet, Anita Baker is the first artist that I can remember knowing almost all of her songs and the lyrics to them. I regret that I’ve not seen her in concert yet because I know it’d live up to all of my expectations. So as I was listening to Anita, one of my favorite songs by her (“Fairytales”) came on and I was in the zone. I can remember being like 7 or 8 and singing the hell outta this song whenever I heard it. I owned the Compositions album and played that song like it was going out of style. Yesterday I really sat and listened to the lyrics and I’m like, “What in the hell was I doing feeling that song at such a young age?”
Listen and you be the judge:
My family likes to tease me about this one song in particular that I loved as a young girl. Another questionable song for such a young child to LOVE, but apparently I was not your average child. The song in question is Jocelyn Brown’s “Somebody Else’s Guy”. My cousin was teasing me about this the other day, saying that as soon as I heard the opening line of “I can’t get off my high horse” that I’d be jamming. The hell? Why should I be jamming to a song about a woman who’s pining over a man who ain’t even available?
Again, listen to the words:
Needless to say, I believe that these songs set a precedent for how I handle relationships now. Anita set me straight about thinking that some Prince Charming would ride in on his stallion and come to my rescue. Hell, a prince might not even come at all. Reality sucks. I want to believe in Prince Charming, Soulmates, The One and all that jazz, but deep down I really think that it’s a bunch of caca. That’s the cynicism inside of me I guess.
Then there’s the Jocelyn Brown song. Woo, boy where do I even begin with that? I’d like to think I’m above that, but my track record has proven that I always fall for the ones who aren’t available to me. Get so wrapped up in a dude and then find out that I’m the sideline ho (whaddup, Monica?). 🙁 That’s so damn sad. I know that’s more of an internal issue with settling for whatever comes my way, no matter the consequence. I should be demanding more, but in some sick, twisted way do not think that I deserve that more. ::le sigh::
Perhaps I should be proactive and try to change all of these defects. Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step. It’s gonna be a long journey, but I’m determined to get there. Wish me luck! 🙂