PBS…

No, this post is not about the joys of the Public Broadcast System. Though, I will say that I stayed watching those telethons when they tried to raise money & cried many a time when my mother would not make a measly donation so that I could get some sweet, exclusive Sesame Street gear or something, heh. That previous sentence just ran a marathon. I digress…

Every year slightly before my birthday, I get the blues. It’s a little disorder I like to call Pre-Birthday Sadness (hence the title). It’s pretty recent onset, brought about by the birthday a couple years back when no one but my parents acknowledged it.ย  I spent all day crying because I had conversations with folks about the most inane shit, but no one remembered the anniversary of the day of my birth. I felt like the LOWEST of the low. Granted one shouldn’t ascribe so much to the amount of attention received (or not, in this case) on a specific day, but damnit–I’m a sensitive, attention whore that should have her whims catered to on this one day at least! And I didn’t wanna be that girl. Yanno…the one who’s all “hey…aren’t you forgetting something?” *nudge wink etc etc*

So as I woke up this morning, I was enmeshed by melancholy. Every morning, I wake up with a song in my head–this morning’s? “Irvine” by Kelly Clarkson. Y’all this song is so damn sad that just seeing the word Irvine in every day reading causes me to slide down a fireman’s pole into an emotional abyss. It’s hauntingly beautiful in ways too, though. So needless to say my state of mind made itself present early.

It doesn’t help that this is the last birthday for which twenty will precede my age. I’m having a pre-treintal crisis* because I’m in a shit job with no prospect forย  it getting better. I have no idea what it is exactly that I want to do with the rest of my life that doesn’t include becoming a lady of leisure & spending the rest of my days reading.

*Pre-treintal crisis= a completely made up term of mine that refers to the anxiety that I have now started to feel as I approach thirty.

3 Responses to “PBS…”

  • So even though you made treintal up, I totally knew what you were saying, lol. Anywho, your birthday is in my calendar so you can count on at least one “happy birthday” from someone that didn’t bring you forth into this world ๐Ÿ™‚

  • suga says:

    I dont want to laugh at your sadness, but your dramatics are tickling me right now.
    I definitely feel you about the job situation. “Whoa is me” and you, when it comes down to that.
    Happy early birthday.
    Thirty isnt as scary as it seems ๐Ÿ™‚

  • admin says:

    @R4P: You speak my language! LOL

    @Suga: Oh it wasn’t legit sadness [at the time of the post being written], so laugh away. But yes, whoa is us on that job tip LOL


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