el toque.

Yesterday on the Twitter machine, someone asked “other than money, if someone were to surprise you with exactly what you need right now, what would it be?” I answered without hesitation, ” a hug.” It was the first thing that popped into my brain and probably the most vulnerably honest answer I could have ever given. Since then, I’ve been contemplating this answer and why it came to me so swiftly.

Y’all know the five love languages, right? If you’re unfamiliar here’s a quick primer. Author Gary Chapman has written a book that basically says expressions and experiences of love are manifested in five different ways:

  • gift giving
  • quality time
  • words of affirmation
  • acts of service
  • physical touch

Until very recently I was almost certain that my love language was words of affirmation. There’s no high like the one I get from a “good job” or “thank you for doing/being/saying xyz”, but lately I feel like there’s been a shift. I have been craaaaving touch. Like moreso than usual. And not even in a sexual manner. Just the simple human connection aspect of it, man.¬†Before I greeted a friend I visited recently, I honestly cannot remember the last time I had physical contact with another human being.

And that? If I’m being honest, it scares me a bit. It makes me feel a bit disconnected from the people around me. Makes me feel a little more lonely in the space I’ve carved out in the world. It makes me think, okay, maybe this is it. Maybe I am now ready (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) to embark on a relationship with a man and MEAN IT.

It’s daunting, the idea of trying yet again to open myself up enough to let someone in in that way. I haven’t since TONTEBMH and that’s been purposeful–mostly. But the more I sit with it, the more I think it’s real this time. I’ve said it before in this space, so I know some of you who have been reading me for years are probably rolling your eyes right now, ha!

But…er…ah…the others of you who aren’t…y’all got anybody you can arrange me in a relationship with or nah? I’m tryna see som’n. Nicole Falls needs some fodder for these lil books she outchea penning. HA!

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