eighty.

i didn’t have a real title for this post, but as i logged into blogger i noticed that the last post was the 79th, thus this title was born. but i digress. . .

so today i took a personal day from work. i was tired of the bullshit of not doing anything all day so i decided to just say screw it and not go in. plus i had a rather rough Sunday and Monday, so i wasn’t too much feeling like dealing with people. i’m still having a rough Tuesday, but it was better than the Sunday/Monday combo. . . but i am digressing again now.

so i was doing a survey one day last week and was asked a question of whether or not i refrain from speaking my mind as often as i want. i was forced to revisit this question today because i clearly had too much time to think with my day off and all. as of late, i have TOTALLY been doing that. i cannot remember the last time i was brutally honest with someone. i don’t know if it’s a crisis of conscience (most likely not) or just a complete sense of apathy toward a vast majority of things people say to me these days (ding ding ding!!!). the fact is i’ve been holding back something ridiculous and it’s starting to take a toll.

i will not, however, explode upon the next person that asks for my honest opinion. i’ll probably unload on some unsuspecting asshole who says one inane comment that will invariably set me off on a tangent. i’m hoping to temper my anger and not go all the way there though. to be perfectly honest, i am a bitch in every sense of the word that does not have to do with being an actual female dog. i can be cruel, heartless, insensitive, and not bat an eyelash. i have a mean streak in me that runs so deep that i sometimes scare myself. i jokingly say that no one wants to be on my bad side and if anyone of you who read this was ever on the receiving end of what it truly meant to be on my bad side, you’d agree wholeheartedly.

i’m working on it though. through prayer and meditation. totally not joking here. i am so serious. i have to talk myself down from really obliterating folks with my words. that old sticks and stones adage? if i were the one slinging the words, i think you’re prefer the slinging of sticks and stones. i’m just saying. but yes, i’m working on it.

one day at a time. . .


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