I didn’t get into TFA. Didn’t even make it to the phone interview. This is what I tweeted shortly after finding out the news:
So I’m going to be all emo for a minute, but I need to get this all out. *big sigh* To say I’m disappointed about TFA would be an understatement. I went to bed last night thinking I could push it out of my mind, but I can’t. Shit man! Why can’t just one thing go MY way for once? I’m being a big girl (and not crying), but my god am I annoyed. & then ppl wanna say “Oh God has smtg better in store for you…” blah blah bullshit. This has nothing to do w/ Him right now. It’s all about how I wasn’t good enough YET again. BUT! I need to not wallow and learn from the experience. I’m trying to “rise above” like Miranda Bailey, haha! But the shit is hard when you’re so far down. Ah, well enough of emo!J. Back to my regularly scheduled tweets of randomness and hilarity ;-p
So many people kept telling me, “What are you worrying about? You’ve got this.” It’s so funny because I started believing the hype. Deep down inside though, I knew that I really didn’t “have this” and I needed to prepare myself for the disappointment of another failed attempt. SO I began counteracting every “stop worrying” with “nothing’s for sure”. Every “you got this!” with “no I don’t, stop saying that!”
Nearly a week has passed and I am still a little sad about the whole situation. I haven’t even told my dad yet. Not that I think he’ll be disappointed, but I want to get to the point where I will be able to say “I did not get chosen” without tightness in my chest. I’ve decided that I simply cannot wallow though. Okay, this didn’t work out, but that’s not to say that nothing else will.
So I’m back on my grind. I have a grad school fair to attend in a couple of weeks. I’m hoping to speak with some schools of education that really interest me and get information to be in school by next fall at the latest. All this “woe is me” “my life never goes according to plan” shit is for the birds. I’m changing my point of view and trying to be all around more positive.