On zooming out…

Sometimes, I can be very insular. I get into modes where I rely on very little to stimulate me externally, which can be an advantage, but more often a detriment. Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I withdraw…I burrow. And then I sit with whatever emotions I am meant to tackle until I feel as if I’m equipped to unpack what’s wrong and heal. Sometimes that healing is the form of a very self-contained emotional breakdown and other times it’s simply the passage of time that allows me space to work through.

Rarely do I ask for or seek the counsel of others. Rarely do I take friends up on the offer of being a soft place to land. Rarely do I feel the need to lay my burdens at someone else’s feet, despite actively being a storehouse for the emotions of others.

And last night, in a rare moment of transparency and vulnerability, I confided in a friend about current frustrations I’m facing. This led to her asking me a series of questions that led to me doing a deeper examination of the issue and finding the real source of the problem. We uncovered two things:

1) I think I’m WonderWoman.

b) I’m not a large picture examiner.

I just wanna sit with the second one for a bit because when it hit me last night, I was kinda taken aback. In my mind, when I assess an issue in order to solve it, I’m looking at all sides of it. I’m picking apart all aspects to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. But what I’m not doing is paying attention to how this granular issue causes a larger ripple in relation to the totality of my life. I’m so focused on fixing The Thing that I don’t. . .zoom out.

Talking to my friend and then stewing on the issue a bit further helped me realize that. And it’s now a thing I want to be cognizant of recognizing and adjusting (if necessary) going forward. I don’t anticipate it being easy, but I’m also less resistant to change at this point of my life more than ever, so I’m looking forward to how this shift ripples through my life.

Steady growing, ever evolving…

Dear Me….

Inspired by Solange’s beautiful letter to her teenage self, a Facebook friend asked, “What’s ONE thing (or more!) you would want tell your ‘freshly graduated’ self?” Here’s my answer…

I’d tell newly graduated high school me: Stop being such a people pleaser. The most important person that matters is you. Do not forsake your comfort for the ease of others. Let K go–he’s not worth it…or you. You’re too young to even be thinking about “love” or “the one” or “forever”. You’ve got a lot of places to go, things to see, and people to do. The world is limitless, step outside of your timidity and face it head on. You’ll fall (a lot), but it’s okay. Learn, move on, & grow.

I’d tell newly graduated college me: Well that took some time didn’t it?! But you did it…at your own pace and on your own terms. So relax and bask for a minute before heading into the “real world”. Hold onto B. He is good for you and your mercurial moods. Get out of Illinois as soon as possible, you need some time away to appreciate home fully. Take time out for yourself and don’t forget to breathe. I love you so very much…even when it seems like I don’t.