For Pat…

Pat

 

We should be celebrating the 2 year anniversary of the cancer no longer ravaging your body. Instead we sit around recalling your essence.

Your baby girl just finished her senior year of high school and every celebratory milestone was fraught with an undercurrent of sadness. Wishing you were here to delight in her beauty as she went off to prom. Marveling at her seemingly sudden physical resemblance to you on that day.Graduation day left us rain-soaked, a clear sky turning into a torrential downpour during the processional. Laughing, we joked that you just had to make your presence known in one way or another.

Your baby boy’s memory of you flows easy now. I was worried for a bit because it seemed like he avoided talking about you directly. I feared that your death haunted him. Nowadays, a number of sentences begin/end with “My mom used to….” or “Y’all remember Mama said/did” or “…with my mom”. We tease him with calls of your special nickname for him and his grin splits his face wide open. He’s still the same happy, open, friendly, loving “Woo”. It’s comforting to watch him revel in the memory of you.

Your eldest boy…the weight of the world rests on his shoulders yet he tries to remain strong. Fathering your siblings (as well as your progeny) is no easy task and I hope he knows that he has support for whenever times get too rough.

More than anything I just wish you were still here.