new.

life is good. there are still struggles, but for the most part life is good. i can say this with a clear conscience and open heart for the first time in a while and it feels amazing. i’ve been in a really negative space for damn near a year. it seemed like one bad thing after another was happening and i just could not catch a break. now, though…there’s peace.

it’s weird. i just started working about 2 weeks ago, right. so, this new job came by way of friends who are awesome, believe in and and went to bat for me to ensure i’d get the position. it’s the first time i’ve had a taste of nepotism (or friendpotism) and i’ve gotta say i’m not mad at it. i mean, if the system works who am i speak out against it, haha. so the position i’m in is not really one in which i’d planned on re-entering (back in higher education), but i’m surprisingly not upset about it at all. i had no expectations going into it, but i’ve been pleasantly surprised so far. it’s awesome working with one of my best friends (but not directly), so it’s not like i’m pressed to make new work friends.

personal life is slowly but surely making a turn for the best. i’m making moves to set myself up for getting back in some regular sense of socialization. i’ve decided to make dating a goal for 2014, so that should get interesting. though i am nowhere near sure how i’m going to actually begin dating, i’m excited and open to most* possibilities.

i’m also learning to let go of what i perceive to be personal slights. i fell out with a friend early this summer and that was a shitty situation all the way around. initially i didn’t know what i did wrong, but when i found out, i did what i thought would help rectify the situation immediately. it didn’t and that sucked. then…a few months later i felt like another friend purposefully tried to disinvite me from a previously genuinely extended (so i thought) invitation to an event. i’d taken the passive route with the latter situation, but it still managed to raise my hackles.

in both situations i felt out of my element because i didn’t know how to handle it. i’m used to clearly being able to see what’s wrong and making efforts to fix it best i can. i’ve decided that i cannot even begin to gather the motivation behind others’ actions. i cannot make myself sick with wondering what i have done especially if the other person in the equation refuses to even talk about it. i just have to make sure that my actions and words match up while giving the most honest version of myself at all times.

i refuse to hold onto hurt feelings or let negativity fester. i’m decidedly stepping into the light and tryna flourish outchea.

 

 

*i say most because i’m not 100% on online dating yet. funnily enough that’s probably my only *real* way of actually meeting any dateable (or semi-dateable) dudes because i don’t go many places where i’m approached by guys.