What’s wrong with being single?

I have a gripe. It seems as if everywhere I turn (facebook, twitter, my email inbox, my cell phone text message inbox), I am bombarded with women saying “Why am I single?” It is as if I have fallen into a cult of women preoccupied with the fact that they are not currently getting penis from a committed donor on a regular basis in a relationship. *sigh* I feel like I’ve ranted about this before, but it has all fallen on deaf ears.

I haven’t had a boyfriend since Clinton(…wait I mean Bush II) was in office. I hate to admit that, but it’s the truth. Well…there were a few dalliances that found me in some kind of pseudorelationships, but those don’t count. Either I was not aware that I was someone’s girlfriend (how that happens, I dunno) or well…we were just erm…special friends. *nudge, wink* Nevertheless, I realize that it doesn’t take long to get from here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRnIPtB2SyY

to here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xUe1VdXQpo

I always want to tell my single friends who lament about having a man that the grass isn’t always greener. I hear it from my friends who are hitched about the troubles, hassles, & headaches that relationships bring & how they wish they were unencumbered. It’s a catch-22, my friends, if we’re being honest.

I just really and I mean REALLY get irritated hearing the same people cry about being single over and over, while they are not doing anything to actively change their situation. If I really wanted to be with someone, there are most certainly things I could do and end up with a boo thang in 2.75 minutes. #weoffthat Similarly, those who complain to me about being single could do the same things. But they refuse to. Why?

It’s simple. They are looking for some man whom they’ve dreamed up who looks perfect on paper, but is probably non-existant in real life. I’m not saying that in order to get someone you have to let go of all of your standards, but you do have to be less rigid in some aspects. That 6’4″ chocolate adonis who is starring in your wet dreams nightly is not likely to be sans children, with a PhD & high paying job, or whatever other standard you may set forth that he absolutely must be. In the words of my homegirl Lindsay, “Ruh. Lax” You’re so busy trying to find this perfect man that you are not stopping to think about whether you would even be a blip on his radar. What are you bringing to the table to make you worthy of such a pairing?

We’ve all seen the impossibly handsome man with a dowdy looking female and wondered “what the hell? how the hell? who the hell?”, then proceeded to throw a one-woman pity party wearing the latest designs from Woe Is Me. *yawn* Perhaps what you can’t see is that this women, in all of her plain non-glory gives this man something that he craves. Whether it be great food, seks, conversation, etc…she does it for him. Instead of “hating” (gah, I cringe to use that) how bout you give her a mental high five for snagging who appears to be a catch. Afterall, looks can be deceiving. How many of us have gone for the physically attractive, seemingly all together man only to find out that he had more issues than US Weekly.

Moral of the story: Being single is not like having the plague. It won’t kill you.

Randomnessssssss…

I was tagged by the homie Meggles over at My Edition of Gab to complete this one. 🙂

Question #1 – What were you doing 10 years ago?

1. On the cusp of graduating high school
2. Dating K *sigh*
3. Working @ Menards, where you could save big money!
4. Dancing & playing tennis through high school
5. Looking forward to attending university

Question #2 – What are 5 things on your To-Do list today:
1. Cleaning/packing up my apt.
2. Reading Glorious by Bernice McFadden
3. Cooking lunch for tomorrow
4. Cleaning out my trunk
5. Organizing book blog posts

Question #3 – What 5 snacks do you enjoy?
1. Chips…my kryptonite
2. Fruit snacks…specifically Scooby Doo ones
3. Fresh fruit
4. Yogurt
5. Chocolate, but this is *very* rare & usually when Floetry is coming to play a concert in my town 😉

Question #4 – Where are 5 places that you have lived?
(only five – lol)
1. Chicago, IL
2. Glen Carbon, IL
3. Whittier, CA
4. Bensenville, IL
5. Glendale Heights, IL

Question #5 – What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Pay off all debt (including that of my parents, 1 of my bros, & sister)
2. Give money to my parents, sibs, niece, & phews
3. Start my own publishing company and sign my favorite authors so that they will always have a place to write & be published w/o having to worry about #s
4. Go back to school & get a few degrees: 1 in education, 1 in linguistics/etomology (sp?), 1 in non profit management
5. Start a literary nonprofit organization

The Epitome of Ho Shit…

So I was sitting at work, minding my own when a song popped into my head. I started humming it while reading a book at lunch and couldn’t get it out of my brain. I only knew the chorus, but not who sung it so I went to my friend Googlisha to figure it all out. The song in question is Skyy – Call Me.

At first I was listening to the song and groovin’, then all of a sudden I got REALLY angry. This song is like a trollop’s anthem. Allow me to break it down for ya…

Sittin here
Couldnt help hear you talkin to your best friend
Say, youre not satisfied
Things aint workin out with your girlfriend
So your searchin for someone new
Someone to hold you tight, someone to treat you right

So homegirl over here ear hustlin’ & some dude is complaining about his lady. she sees an opening & says, “Hmmm, lemme try to get put on.” I’m not mad at her at this point. She doesn’t know ol’ girl, they aren’t married, & it seems as if the relationship is going down the tubes anyway. Get it where she fits in, I guess. Though I must say, I can’t fully ascribe to this practice, I can see where she’s going. But then…THEN the slattern croons the next lines…

Though your girlfriends a friend of mine
Heres my number and a dime, call me anytime

In the words of Beyonce: STOP THE TRACK, LEMME FACE FACTS! Did this heffa just say his girl was a FRIEND of hers? Not just some heffa who lives up the block. Not her mortal enemy. Not some random stranger. Her FRIEND. I am flabbergasted. I am disgusted. I am ret to kick in the do’, wavin’ the fo’ fo’ (word to Biggie).

Call me – if you need someone to talk to
Call me – satisfaction guaranteed
Call me – if you need someone to talk to
Call me – call me!

Ho, you wanna do more than talkin’ if you guaranteein’ satisfaction! #imjussayin More like “Call me if you wanna getcho dick sucked…”

She wasnt good to ya
Was a prude to ya
Dont like to do the things you like to do
She doesnt do to ya
The things she did to ya
Show you lovin like she used to

Ain’t this some ish? Not only are you scammin’ on ya homegirl’s man, but then you go doggin’ her. I bet you over there tellin’ her that he ain’t shit. Mmmmhmmm. I see through your hoenificence (shout out to the homie @Reads4Pleasure for that gem)!

Well, I been watchin you boy
And I’ve got what you want, got what you need
Though your girlfriends a friend of mine
Heres my number and a dime, call me anytime

Planning this for a while, have we? MMMMHMMM. JUST WRONG. Dead wrong.

Then…THEN this ninja…

Hello, how ya doin?
No, she’s gone.
I figured I’d give you a call and see if you were serious.
To this little place that I like to go to.
Its kinda dark and quiet and…

Mmmmhmmm, you know his triflin’ behind used that dime & called the ho. Talmbout he tryna see if she serious. Ninja please. You prolly ain’t give the ho time to get back to the crib to answer the phone before you dialed them 7. *sigh*

Moral of the story: Don’t befriend known whores and leave them around your man. Inevitably, #hoshit happens.

Yes, I am aware that you’re Black. Who cares?

I feel as if I’ve been thinking more actively about race in the past few months than I have in my entire life. I’ve mentioned in this space before that I grew up in a neighborhood comprised primarily of people who resembled me. I can count on one hand the number of overtly racist situation in which I’ve found myself embroiled. I look at people in regards to character as opposed to the color of their skin or ethnic background. Lately however…it’s just been on my brain heavily.

I started a new job a few months ago at a place where I am one of three black people that work here. In my interviewing process, I asked about the diversity in the workplace to get a feel for the environment before I actually started (if I was offered the job, that is). It’s important for me to have people who look like me in my workplace. Is this a silly qualification? To some yes, but not for me. I feel more at ease around “my own kind”. *sigh* I feel stupid even admitting that, but I’m on a quest to be more honest with myself and others, so there you have it.

I’ve digressed. Anyway, after working here for a couple months I had a meeting with my direct supervisor. She informed me that some of my coworkers thought that I didn’t like them because I didn’t jump in their conversations uninvited. I’m not the kind of person who makes unsolicited comments for the sake of hearing my own voice. If you’re having a conversation about a topic that interests me, I will chime in with my $.02. If I have no interest, I’m on my Hellen Keller steez. I’ve explained this numerous times to my boss when questioned about why I am so quiet. It’s just my way. I’m the shyest extrovert you’ll ever meet, ha! I’m an oxymoronic anomaly at times, heh.

Now back to my coworkers, I sit in an enclave with three guys and to the direct right of my cube wall are two other guys. Three of the five men that sit around me have a tight knit comaradery that revolves around their various fantasy sports teams. One of the other guys is an older gentlemen who is quirky and chimes in on conversations no matter what they’re about with some misplaced, snarky commentary. The last guy is like my male counterpart. He comes in here, plops on headphones, does his work quietly, and leaves. He has been in his position for more than two years, so I am pretty sure this is not a recent occurence. He’s probably been this way the whole time.

When I was approached by my boss as being seemingly standoffish or antisocial, a part of me wondered if Peter* had been approached in the same way. Granted he’s been here longer, so they know his personality a bit more. But initally I thought, am I being singled out as the antisocial girl or the antisocial *black* girl?

Even in situations with my White friends, I find myself watching how I behave. As if I am somehow afraid of presenting myself as *too* Black. It’s dumb. Christ it is, I know! I recently got irritated with a White friend and the whole time while I was festering with (righteous) indignation, I was thinking, “Oh lord, am I angry black womaning out right now?” Meanwhile, they’re probably just thinking that I’m a bitch at the highest level, color not even playing a part at all.

I’m probably the one who thinks about my Blackness in these sorts of situations more than the other people involved, which is insane. What say ye?