Restless.

If you were to ask me how I feel, 78% of the time the title of this blog is what will fall out of my mouth. For quite a while now, I’ve been feeling a bit lot of dissatisfaction with things in my life and knew that I needed to change them, but was unaware as to how. Quarterlife crisis set in like whoa. The thing is, I don’t think I am so much dissatisfied as just not engaged.

Life has become routine and drab lately. I do the same things every day (with variance here and there). I eat the same things. I talk to the same people. I visit the same websites. I think you get where I’m going here. For such a long time, I’ve been on this whole ‘woe is me’, my life sucks tirade. In all honesty, it really doesn’t. I have a job, a roof over my head, fantasderful friends, and the freedom to do whatever I choose to do when I choose to do it. The fact is that I am tired of the routines, the sameness, the predictablity of it all.

I think that was one of my major reasons for applying for TFA, if I’m being frank (…and yes, you can be George if you so please). I saw it as a chance to do something different. Get out of Chicago and build a life elsewhere. Do I want to be a teacher? Absolutely. Did I really want to do it through TFA though? Notsomuch. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dogging the program. I think it’s awesome. I know some people who are products of it and are VERY successful right now. I just think that I was going for it for all the wrong reasons. Obviously He knew that and shut my ass down.

I tend to want to take the quick and easy routes to get things in my life. For some reason I am hardwired to believe that I shouldn’t have to work for the things that I want. It should just be handed to me. Everything should be a cakewalk. I think my rationale is that because I am intelligent and nice, everything I want should be handed to me in a nice little package. I get frustrated when things do not work out in this manner and I actually have to work to obtain something. Believe me when I say that I know how stupid this sounds, but when your life has fallen in line with this philosophy for 20+ years, you’d be amazed at how quickly you become a believer.