My mother is the most exasperating person I know. She will call me up to complain about every aspect of her life for hours on end. Being the (mostly) good daughter I am, I listen as she runs down countless things that are going wrong. Most I know by rote, but I listen sympathetically with an interjection here and there of an uplifting nature. We have never had a Lorelei/Rory Gilmore sort of relationship. There were times when we were thick as thieves and others when we were frenemies. My friends IRL have heard me complain countless times about this, that, or the other that my ma did to tick me off. Sometimes I was blowing things out of proportion and other times she did some really foul shit. All in all, she is my mother and I love her. I would never wish harm upon her head and would probably lose my mind if anything were to happen to her.
Which is why I am losing my mind now. As I wrote before, my mother has to undergo a biopsy of some nodes which may or may not be cancerous. The biopsy was yesterday.I spent the night with my mother the night before at her request. I was under the impression that the procedure was at 7am, but it actually wasn’t until 9:30am. She told me that it was dumb early because she knew I wouldn’t object to her asking me to stay the night with her beforehand. She was nervous. I could tell. Fidgety, moving around, asking me if I wanted a sandwich eleventy billion times even thought she knows I don’t eat meat anymore. She just wanted someone there. Didn’t want to be alone. So I told her to sat down and stop pacing. We talked, laughed, cried a little, and then went to bed. Before sleeping, I told her that everything was going to be alright and to stay strong.
My Auntie D and I were there in the morning to take her to the hospital. My Auntie D stayed through the entire procedure. I had an appointment so I was unable to stay. I kept in touch by text/phone calls though until she was out and on the way home. To be honest, the reason I didn’t stay wasn’t just beacuse of the appointment. Even though it was a simple outpatient procedure, I was still freaked the hell out. Dude! Somebody was cutting into my mommy and diggin’ ’round ta find stuff? I’m supposed to be okay with that?! NO! Even when I saw her after the procedure all bandaged, I had to take a moment to myself. I don’t even wanna see the incision because I will prolly pass out.
I stayed with her last night and will probably go sit with her a few hours after I leave the gig tonight. I just spoke with her on the phone and apparently we will get the results tomorrow. I thought it was supposed to take three days, but guess not. I am hoping like hell that the cells are not cancerous and it’s something that’s easily treatable. If not, I am likely to go stone cold out of my mind.
Tonight, before you get too deep into your REM cycle, please sent a shout up to the Big Guy asking him to keep continued watch over our family and heal whatever this may be in quick succession.