Blast From the Past

A few years back I had a livejournal. Well, I shouldn’t use it in the past tense because I still have the journal, I just don’t write in it. At any rate, I was looking for a piece I’d written a while back and knew it was on the LJ, so I decided to browse it. In my meanderings, I found the italicized text below. Since I can’t find inspiration with a road map & GPS, I’m gonna sift through my old LJ entries and post a few that I like. 🙂

Jun. 9th, 2005 at 7:51 AM

I’m so stressed from constantly being around my family (nuclear and extended ) and I just need a break…permanently, lmao! Okay not perma-break, but a long one. A really long one. Sometimes there’s such a thing as too much togetherness. I think my family suffers from that extensively. Although, they’re great (at most times) and I love them to death, I think they’re detrimental to my growth. And it’s only because I allow them to be. No one is really an encouraging figure in this family (speaking of mom’s side, don’t really interact much with dad’s side). Many times dreams of the youth in this family are stunted not by someone on the outside, but someone in the family, who is supposed to be your support system and have your back. It’s almost as if they’re rooting for you to fail, so that they can have yet another thing to criticize, tease, and berate you about. It’s sad and it kills me.

As cheezy as this sounds, a little piece inside of me dies everytime I hear someone downing someone else. Most times they’re doubting the person because they went for the same dream and failed to achieve it. They figure that since they didn’t make it, this other person won’t either. Well, jackass, if you’d actually help the younger person see the mistakes you made on your journey and give them advice on his/her journey, then *gasp* this person might just make it!

People always say, “Oh sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can’t ever harm you.” Bullshit, I say! Sticks and stones will break your bones and words can damage a soul. No one realizes the impact of words. As many times as one says, “Oh I didn’t mean that. I take it back!”, it really isn’t taken back. Those words spoken in the heat of the moment are your true feelings and once they exploded out of your mouth and into the universe, they are forever bonded to you and branded upon the person you spoke them unto. If people took the time to speak before just running off at the mouth, we would be a lot more surprised at how much better we could communicate. Instead we just spout off shit continuously without thinking about the repercussions of our words.

The other day I heard a parent call their child stupid and ugly. I wanted to beat the brakes off of that bitch! The child was no older than 8 or 9, how dare she? Some people just should be allowed to have children. I’ve never been a parent so I don’t know what it’s like to raise a child, but I’ve been pretty damn close. I’ve helped numerous family members guide their children in the right direction. Yes, it is exasperating. Yes, they will work your nerves til the point where you wanna beat the dogshit out of them, but you don’t! You love that child. You encourage that child. You discipline that child within reason. You teach that child. You help mold their ideas and views of the world. You encourage that child’s dreams and do everything within your power to help that child accomplish them.

Oh God this is becoming long and preachy and off subject. These are just some of the things in my head that I guess I needed to get out on this Thursday morning before I get ready for work…

…TBC…maybe

Thoughts?

Growing Pains (sans Alan Thicke)

The blog titles all have a theme this week. 🙂

So I cannot stand Hannah Montana. She goes against everything I stand for and hold in high regard in life. What am I doing tonight though? Going to see Hannah Montana: The Movie. Last night, I found out about a free advanced screening whose tickets went up for grabs at midnight my time. Two of my little cousins absolutely LOVE this chick & really want to see the movie. Since I love these li’l heffas more than life itself, I stayed up WAY past my bedtime and got tickets for myself & their mom to take them tonight. We haven’t told them that I got the tickets, so it will be so fun to see the look on their faces when we tell them after school! 🙂

Early next week I will also be travelling to yet another free movie screening with yet another li’l cousin. Ci-Ci is a bit older that the previous two and fancies herself in love with Zac Efron (I. DO. NOT. GET. IT!). I came across a preview for 17Again a few weeks ago and tried getting tickets, but failed. Last night must’ve been my lucky night for movies because I found another screening that still had seats available. When I called her to let her know about our movie date, she was SO jazzed, haha!

A part of me feels hella guilty when I do these things for my little cousins because I don’t readily think of my niece and nephews when these opportunities come up. Granted Niece is 14 & smelling herself, so she probably wouldn’t want to hang out with her “old” aunt anyway. One of my nephews is in high school as well, so I don’t get to spend much time with him. My other two ‘phews don’t live in Illinois, so I barely get to SEE them let alone spend quality Te-te time with them, you know? I still get pangs of guilt though.

I think it all stems from me feeling guilty as a child, to be honest. My parents both had children before they got together and made me. I was the only one of my siblings who got to grow up in a two parents household for the entirety of my childhood. Mommy & Daddy doted on me well into my late teens. Anything I asked for, I got. As a result, my relationship with my siblings for many years was strained at best. Hell my brother and I lived in the same house for many years not saying anything further than “hi” & “bye” to each other.

In my adult years, I have been working to repair the rift between myself & my siblings, but it’s hard if I’m the only one extending the olive branch, you know? Not that they’re opposed to us getting closer, it’s just that they never reach out. It’s always me & I’m getting kinda tired of it.