Have I ever told you. . .

That I HATE UMBRELLAS? Like, if there was anything I could banish from the world, they would be at the top of the list! Well, it’s raining so I am forced to carry one or get wet. I hate being wet almost as much as I hate umbrellas. Anyway. So I can’t wear a rain poncho because that would just look absurd. So I’m looking for rain slickers which (along with my rain boots I plan on purchasing) will make me look like the Morton Salt girl. How about this? I keep seeing raincoats with no hoods. WTF is that about?! How is that okay? Are idiots who are buying these carrying umbrellas as well to protect their heads? How stupid is that? At any rate, I’ve said all of that to say this, any of you have any idea where I can look to find a hooded raincoat? LOL

Inevitably it all has to end. . .

I’d planned on posting this tomorrow, but I got a little more free time this afternoon, so here you go. 🙂 Part I is directly below.

Alright, now where did I leave off? Oh yeah, that night at The Apartment. Man that was a crazy night! Half of the things I wasn’t there to witness, such as someone crawling around on the floor of the pizzeria next door because she was so drunk, LOL. Ohhhh my friends! But I digress. This isn’t that and that isn’t this. Back to the story of Buddy. Well that first night pretty much set the tone for our relationship, if you want to call it that. I would call it more of a tryst that lasted longer than anticipated. I had no designs on him and vice versa.

We “hung out” fairly often, but it was months before we were intimate. It wasn’t planned, but I did nothing to prevent it either. Granted I never thought I’d be losing my virginity (again another story for another day—note to self: repost virginity blog here) to someone who wasn’t my husband and add insult to injury, he wasn’t even my boyfriend (!!! yes, I am that old fashioned. I take sex seriously. Hence why I don’t sleep around even though I totally could, lol). I took it in stride a lot better than I thought I would. I had witnessed so many chicks I knew getting dickmatized and I didn’t want to go down that road.

And I didn’t! *London Tipton voice* YAY ME! We were getting it on steadily for a while. This was awesome for me because what was once dormant for so long became a beast once it was unhinged, lol. When I needed that itch scratched, he was there to oblige. There was no talk of making this arrangement into anything more than what it was. Mainly because I knew that after college I had plans to get up and get out of Illinois and the last thing I needed was an entanglement that would alter my course. At any rate, I soon had nothing to worry about on that front soon because we fell off like bad dope. I wasn’t calling him and he wasn’t calling me. It wasn’t on bad terms, we’d just drifted. (It may not have helped that I was “dating” [according to this guy, he was my boyfriend.] someone else.)

Then California came and I didn’t even think about him. I was too busy trying to sort through the issues that were going on with that to miss somebody, lol. I did get a random (and shocking!!!) phone call from him on my birthday that year and we talked for a little bit. Other than that, we were through. Then Cali folded and I was back here. Somehow (way after I got back from CA and again through myspace) we reconnected yet again. This time was a little bit different. I can’t quite say why, but I knew it was.

We hooked up a couple more times. He had some tragedy happen in his family and I tried to be there for him (as well as I could, although some would beg to differ). After that tragic event happened, we hooked up one final time. It wasn’t supposed to be the final time, but I just knew it would be. The whole thing was a bit awkward and felt like we were just doing it just to do it, lol. On that day we parted ways and when we said “goodbye” I knew it was forever goodbye and not a see ya in a few days sort of thing.

I was left feeling all sorts of confused for a while. I missed him in ways and even entertained the thought that maybe I “liked” him and wanted to pursue something more. I vacillated between wanting to call him and not giving a damn. After a bit though, I had no desire to call him and apparently he felt the same way, as he didn’t pick up his phone to dial my 10 either (Then there was the matter of that whole “I love you” text that he sent me that was SUPER weird, but other than that. . .nothing.). I won’t lie, that burned a little bit. Who the hell was he not to call me?! LOL At any rate, he went from having “Would You Mind” as his ringtone to not having a space occupied in my phone’s memory in a matter of weeks.

Every now and again, I’ll wonder what he’s up to (usually when I’m feeling some sort of way—nudge, wink), but for the most part I don’t miss him at all. We had a fun time, didn’t end on bad terms, just drifted. I’ve left out a lot of particulars, mainly to save face. Y’all don’t need to know about the time I. . .well never mind all of that. 🙂 The whole point of this was really to answer a friend’s question of “Whatever happened to that dude you were talking to?” In part, I felt like reminiscing a bit as well. I haven’t seriously dug a guy since him. Don’t read more into that than it says. 😛

Next up. . .the story of K.

There’s always a beginning. . .

This story is long overdue. I have a little bit of downtime right now, so I’ve decided to just get it out. In order to purge this person completely out of my system, I need to get out every emotion that I feel, felt, and/or wanted to feel for this dude. So here you go—the history of Buddy.

We met at Menards. LOL I should have not even started anything with him simply based upon where we met. The last guy I met while working there ended up putting me through IT. I figured though, that I was young and impressionable then. There was no way that this would parallel the relationship I held with K (which in itself is another story for another day). Besides all of that, I never thought he was seriously interested in me in that way. You know how some guys are natural flirts? He was that wayish.

I’d thought he was SO CUTE when I first started working there and as soon as I saw that there were returns that had to be taken to his department, I was all over it. It began with hi and bye. Sometimes we’d talk a little bit while I was walking through, but it was never on more than a platonic level. Then one day he asked for my number. I was a bit taken aback, but I gave it to him anyway. He never used it. I didn’t know what that was all about nor did a question it. We were still work friends, so whateva. Shortly after this, I left the company.

Randomly I was on my old boss’ myspace and I saw that he’d left her a comment. I did what any respectable, cautious girl would do, totally myspace stalked, lol. His was a music page (an aspiring singer/rapper—again another sign I refused to heed), so I couldn’t get any real info from it. I sent him a message basically asking if he remembered me, blah blah blah, and small talk. So we messaged back and forth for a little bit. He asked for my number again (which had changed also by this point, lol) and I gave it to him. Again, I expected nothing because we’d been here before. Plus, I was in Edwardsville at the time, finishing up my degree coursework.

Well imagine my surprise when he actually called. That first conversation we had ran the gamut from what we’d been up to lately to aspirations about what we wanted to do with our lives. Again, purely platonic and all that good stuff. So we’d talk about once a week and soon the line between platonic and not platonic was blurred, lol. (I have a problem with that, btw. Again, another post for another day) Anyway, I was coming back up to Chicago for some reason or another and I invited him out with my friends and I. It wasn’t a date, but it wasn’t NOT a date either. If that makes sense. Which 32% of the things I do and/or say, don’t. LOL

So he came out (with a friend who I felt SO bad for, btw) and we had fun. We may or may not have made out in the club. I also may or may not have been the one who initiated that whole thing, lol. I’m a makeout slut when I have one too many. We also may or may not have “lost” everyone and went to his car to make out some more. HAHA! That night was just a crazy one in general. So much happened, I lost my friends for real and ended up spending the night with him. Nothing happened really, except for a bit of slightly inappropriate touching and lots of kissing, lol.

Ok this is turning out to be a lot longer than I initially anticipated, so part II will be up later. . .

Keep the Fatih. . .

Two blogs, two days in a row. Someone alert the media. At any rate, I just received an email that is forcing me to sit over here and really think about some things. Veep sent me this forward entitled “Is HE the ONE: THE RIGHT ONE?” The gist of the email is breaking down how women should trust God to send the right man to them. A few things stuck out to me on this email and I thought I’d share my interpretations as they relate to me.

Firstly it says “First we much allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking.” I’m not the most religious person. I am working on getting my relationship with the Lord right. I digress, though. Even though I am not very religious, I am a firm believer in God placing people in your lives for certain reasons. I also believe that He has a design set for everyone’s lives and if it is so destined for two people to be yoked, He is the one who brings these two together at the proper time.

“Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data.” Interesting point with which I wholly agree. Think about it. Do you honestly know what you want in a potential mate? If so, how did you come to this conclusion? By dating around and having dealings that allow you to sift out the undesirable qualities and become more concrete in what you find attractive and so on.

“Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife.” Read that shit again and tell me it is the not the truth! How many men have you met who have expressed a desire for marriage and tell you about the plans they have for it. Think really hard. I’ll wait. I do not know any. A similar thought was expressed when I was listening to the radio yesterday. I’m not one who believes in coincidence. This was something I needed to hear so He sent it to me in two different forms. There is a man with whom I had a very close relationship. There was a time when I could see myself marrying him, word life. It took awhile, but I finally realized that it doesn’t matter how bad I wanted to marry him, he has to want it as well. I’m over here swooning and he’s just chilling. Kinda into me, but not really like that. Certainly not in the way in which he would want to marry me. And why would he right now? I’m not marriage material in this moment. There are a lot of things that I’ve got to get together before I can properly be someone’s wifey. Again, I digress though.

The overwhelmingly obvious point of this email was that in order to get to the place God wants you to be to find your One, you need to first work on your relationship with Him. As I mentioned before mine is severely lacking. It’s not something as simple as going to church to mend this relationship either. I need to take a long, hard look at my life and examine it to determine what I really want out of it. I know that I want to be successful, but how can I do that with no faith. Sure I believe in God, but I want to pick and choose when I want to put my faith in Him. As soon as something goes wrong, I am the first to condemn Him. Ask why He is making me suffer yet again. Lament and cry out against Him. Instead of bowing to His omniscience, I question it. I always assume that I know what is better for me and do not understand why He chooses to send me down a path that I am not happy with. Then I have to think about the concept of free will and how although He gives me these setups, ultimately it is my choices that make me end up where I inevitably end.